Family Caregiver Burnout
When my own mother was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer in January, I thought, “well, at least I have been immersed in grief and loss studies for more than 20 years.” I have run support groups for families who have experienced the death of a child for more than 18 years. My father died when I was a child. One of my daughter’s died at birth. And here I am now, working for an organization that teaches mindful caregiving. I am surrounded by mindful caregivers. So really, how hard can this be? I am grateful to have an understanding employer who supports my need to have a flexible work schedule in order to accommodate the need for me to travel back and forth to care for my mother during this difficult journey.
Can it really be that hard?
Well, it likely won’t come as a surprise that it is indeed excruciatingly hard, especially for a person who excels at pouring myself into helping others. I excel at giving 150% of everything I have to everyone else. And so what this really and truly means is that I am terrible at giving 100% to myself in times of need.
I have had to shift my thinking dramatically, and I have had to set some of my own guideposts. One question I am thinking about is this: What accommodations do I need to make in order to care for myself so that I can better care for someone else? I recognize that my strength is in caring for others, but my weakness is in caring for myself. I’ve started my own personal list, and I’d love for you to reach out to me and tell me how you continue to care for yourself if this is a struggle for you as well.
Here is my own personal list:
Add reminders to my phone using timers to tell me to take five minutes to breathe. Before I get out of bed in the morning, envision the boxes in my brain and peek inside: If it’s a work day today, take a moment to look inside my mental health box: acknowledge the anxiety I feel about the changes in my mom’s eating and pain level, and then close up the box until the end of the day when I can peek inside again.
Send a text to my mom who lives in a different state: How did you sleep last night? Wait for her response; read it; then tuck it away until evening when I can text her again.
Stay hydrated! Fill up my water bottle so I can drink water all day. Refill it as needed. Practice, practice, practice breathing. Remind myself it’s a practice not a destination. Keep practicing.
Join me in starting your own list. And send me a note to tell me what’s on yours. –Sarah