Caring for Dad
Kristi Jacobson knew what she wanted, she just hadn’t found it yet. As caregiver to her 88 year old father, with whom she has lived since 2011, Kristi knew she was in a unique role that has evolved over the years. “There’s a dance between how to be supportive without being annoying or taking away his power.” That dance flowed pretty naturally until two events in close succession dramatically changed the dynamic. First, her father became the victim of an online scam. It resulted in a big financial loss but most significantly, it was something she knew could have been avoided had she known about it.
“He gave away a lot of money and it made it really clear that had he called me I would have put that to rest within a minute so there was a lot of conversations about (how) we’re a team, we’re a family team and it’s a normal progression for me to start doing some things for him like he’s done for me, and this is more my generation of things – I understand technology a bit better – so about a year and a half ago the real, vigilant care began.”
Still in shock from that experience, the father-daughter team took another blow when just two weeks later her dad got COVID. “He quickly declined,” Kristi described, “his confidence but more significantly his spirit, his sense of “I’m a man in charge of my own life.”
As it is for so many family caregivers, during all this time of caring for her dad through physical, psychological and emotional difficulties, Kristi was also working full time. She felt competent, but also felt clear she needed and wanted support. And also like many other caregivers, Kristi wasn’t used to asking for help.
“I always take care of stuff … so I didn’t know how to ask for help but I know I want guidance and support and I knew I wanted a group and I wanted a path.”
In January 2024, she finally was able to enroll in a Mindful Caregiving Education course. It gave her much of what she sought, but not everything.
“And then I took the course finally. It was what I wanted really really bad and so I was so thankful to get to the group. I found helpful reminders of, you know, taking care of oneself and kind of working with mindfulness while being a caretaker but I still felt a hunger for something more.”
That something more turned out to be the Caregiver Support Circles, a pilot program ready to fully launch in October 2024. Open to all caregivers who have taken our courses, Support Circles are informal gatherings for respite, connection, and discussion. The sessions are lightly facilitated, integrating language and skills presented in the courses. For Kristi, it was the missing piece she’d been seeking. “I was so relieved when the group (support circle) was formed. Those two together – the course and the support circle – were really (raises two thumbs up).”
As Zen Caregiving Project builds capacity to reach more caregivers, we’re thankful for participants like Kristi who take advantage of the benefit of a skill building experience like a Mindful Caregiving Education course, combined with the nourishing reinforcement of Caregiver Support Circles.